Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
