Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
