I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's never too late to be topless.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
