Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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