i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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