They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
