so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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