he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
