what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
BRING THE BAGELS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
