"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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