you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
