just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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