So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
