my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
