She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
