I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
