i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
