her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
