I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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