I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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