Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize