I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
