It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
