my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize