he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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