Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
