Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
