dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
