I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
