i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
