before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
