chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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