girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
