Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
