I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
