nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
