why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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