Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize