xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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