Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
