is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do herpes really smell.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
