I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
