Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
