also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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