party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
