She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Farmville is her only friend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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