Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
