also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
