he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
