i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She bit a glass in half.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
