you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
