I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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