You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
