She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the condom got lost in my hair
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come share oat with me in your robe
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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