Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
