bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
