you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
