I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm like, not good at living.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
