He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
