He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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