Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
