everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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