How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
