Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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