I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
