If that was your dad, he is hot
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
