I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
