Non-Jews are for practice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
