is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
