I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
