I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He felt like a one man threesome
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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