There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
