whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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