I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
