I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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