I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
