I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
