I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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