I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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