billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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