How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
