my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
