I love black thongs
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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