why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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