Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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