it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
