Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
