you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize