Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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