yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
