I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize