im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
