i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
