so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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