I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
